Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Dumb Sh*t Drivers Do

As road  runners, we not only encounter drivers daily on our runs, but we put our lives in their hands.  There have been too many incidents lately where runners have become victims of vehicular stupidity, sometimes ending tragically.  We runners, of course, are safe, smart drivers because we have all too often been at the other end of that bumper.  Here is a list of dumb shit drivers do.  If you know someone who is guilty of committing these acts of stupidity, please share.  It could not only save a lot of embarrassment, but also a life.

1.  Driver sees runner on side of the road.  Driver turns head.  Steering wheel is invisibly connected to head and turns, as well.  In the direction of the runner.  Smart runner expects this and quickly dives into bushes to safety.

2.  Driver is making a left turn at a corner.  Driver looks left for oncoming cars.  Driver continues to look left.  Once it is clear, driver takes off, forgetting cars and people could be coming from the right.  Smart runner expects this and quickly darts left and runs around the rear of car.

3.  Driver is making a left turn at a corner.  Nose of driver's car is too far out into the road.  Smart runner expects this and quickly darts left to run around the rear of car.  Driver realizes he is too far out and decides to reverse car without looking.  Smart runner slams hands on the trunk of car and waves.  With just one finger.

4.  Driver is following a long line of cars on a straightaway.  Driver gets impatient and swerves to the right for no other reason than being a dumb ass.  Smart runner on the side of the road expects this and quickly scales a tree like a squirrel on crack.

5.  Driver sees the traffic light ahead of him turn yellow.  Driver speeds up and blows the red light.  Smart runner expects this and waits to cross the street.

6.  Driver thinks runner is cute and lays on horn.  Smart runner waves back.  With just one finger.

7.  Driver is texting.  Smart runner expects this and quickly jumps onto the sidewalk like a squirrel on crack avoiding a dumb driver.

8.  Driver is drunk.  Smart runner calls the police.

Friends don't let friends be that driver.

What other dumb shit have you seen drivers do?


  1. "And waves. With just one finger." I laughed way too hard at that. So true. :)

    1. Sometimes a little finger wave is all that is needed to get the point across.

  2. I can identify with #6. The ladies love a runner in shorts and calf sleeves.

    You've really tapped into my pet peeve. I generally don't run outside my neighborhood, but I see bad driver behaviors every time I go out on the roads. My common issues:

    1. Drivers who back out of their driveways without looking to see if anyone's there.
    2. Drivers who blow through stop signs even when a runner is in the intersection.
    3. Drivers who pass you closely and then turn left in front of you without signaling.
    4. Drivers who drive 50+ MPH on streets clearly marked with a 30 MPH speed limit.

    I know you were making a point, but crack addiction in the squirrel community is a growing problem.

    1. Their motto is "Crack is nuts." Hence, the problem.

  3. GREAT post, A.. and SO true. !!! Squirrel on crack !!! We must be very nimble out there, indeed!

    1. I almost got run over during my last 20 by a driver doing #3. They are just clueless sometimes. Nimble and always vigilant.

  4. Waves with one thing ALL DAY! Teenagers in my neighborhood driving their parents BMWs playing the swerve back and forth to pretend I might hit you while screaming out the window.....such a good time.....

    1. Ugh, I'm sorry you have to deal with such assholes. Next time they do that, you should fall to the ground and make them think they you. Make them shit their pants a little.